oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
