if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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