I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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