i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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