I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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