So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
