She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
