If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
