gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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