Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
