There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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