just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
