are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
