We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she peed on how many people?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
