Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
