Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
