Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
