i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
