I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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