The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
