Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
