don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Sorry about my life...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
