What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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