Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
