I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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