we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
