He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
