I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
