my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
