Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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