New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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