I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
