I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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