Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
