he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
