Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
