i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
