put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
