If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Another day, another engagement, another cat
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
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