its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
