I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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