One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
