and my herpes radar will keep us safe
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
