glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
