He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
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I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
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If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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