Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
