Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
