you guys were way drunker than both of me
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I skipped work to stalk him.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
