what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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