im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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