Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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