Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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