the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
