I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You are a genius and a whore.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
