Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
