You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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