Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
