well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
