she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
