1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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