it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just want to make out with him forever
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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